2011 Women's Leadership Summit

I hate the color pink so when I received the registration forms for the 2011 Women's Leadership Summit, I became immediately skeptical.



What had I gotten myself into? Was I going to spend a day with a bunch of woman talking about feelings and singing kumbaya in support circles?

Looking back on this reaction, I have to laugh. This conference was one of the most eye-opening experiences I've had and I almost passed it up because of a lack of self-regulation (we will get to that in a minute) and color.

The summit was put on by Shandel Slaten. She is an executive coach "who helps business professionals realize their personal and professional goals" and the Founder of True Life Coaching. Up until now, when I thought of a business/life coach/therapist (yes, they all blended together) the character from the movie First Wives Club immediately popped into mind, "Learn from love. Grow from love." Again another poor stereotype.

Shandel changed my viewpoint on coaches the moment she kicked off the conference. I don't know her personally but her stage presence, confidence, honesty and transparency was definitely far from the First Wives Club character I had just described.

The description of the summit was as follows: The 2011 Seattle Women’s Leadership Summit has the overall objective to teach women to lead confidently with purpose and wisdom. However, the main focus of the day was on understanding your Emotional Quotient (EQ) or "your ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of your emotions and the emotions of others in order to facilitate high levels of collaboration and productivity".

This Emotional Quotient has a number of layers that each speaker addressed throughout the day:

1.) Self-Awareness - The ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effect on others.

2.) Self-Regulation - The ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the propensity to suspend judgment and think before you act.

3.) Motivation - A passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status, and a propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence.

4.) Empathy - The ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people.

5.) Social Skills - A proficiency in managing relationships and building networks.

Now, prior to the days events, we were asked to take a survey online to measure our EQ and these specific layers of our EQ. I'm not going to share the specific results of my survey but I will tell you that while I have work to do in all categories, I was particularly surprised by my Empathy score. That will come up later though.

Shandel kicked off the summit at the base level of the Emotional Quotient, Self-Awareness. Using an analogy, she demonstrated how our emotional state is like a glass of water. When calm and rational, the water is "clear". However, as we run into more and more obstacles (red food coloring) throughout the day, our state begins to become "cloudy". When the obstacles overwhelm us, we become "flooded" emotionally and instead of calm and clear, our glass is now "red".

According to Shandel and later, Dr. Leslie Parrot, when we reach this emotionally flooded state, our brain literally shuts down our rationality and we operate in the same way we would if we were in a fight or flight situation. Another interesting insight is that it takes roughly 4 hours for our emotional state to return to clear after becoming flooded, which means you spend 4 hours operating in a suspend state of rationality.

It makes all the sense in the world to me now why I would want to avoid every reaching that state if I could.

This leads us to the topic of Self-Regulation and identifying disablers (those things that take you to "red" or emotionally flooded in an instant) and enablers (those things that bring you back to calm). For me, I identified "waiting on people (which inevitably resulted in being late)" as a disabler and the following video below as an enabler. Particularly moment :35 seconds.



My biggest takeaway though from Shandel's session was something she said about our response to being in an overwhelmed emotional state. Basically, the point was that venting in that state does NOT actually relieve the "flooding" but simply prolongs it. On top of that, you're very likely to pass on your emotional distress to the person you are venting to. Yuck.

During lunch, there were two break out sessions. Melody Biringer, a start-up junkie whom I particularly admire, was hosting a session on Motivation and Melissa Benaroya was hosting a session on Empathy. Since Motivation was my highest score and Empathy my lowest, I decided while I really, really wanted to listen to Melody, that it would be more beneficial for me to spend lunch with Melissa.

The Empathy session had a specific focus on children so it wasn't as relevant as I had hoped but I still had a couple great takeaways. Specifically,that one can reinforce good behavior by acknowledging the effort, instead of praising the outcome. This point was actually driven home that same day when I went to the gym after the summit. Long story short, the gym likes it when you bring your shower towels down from the locker rooms. I realized that the woman at the reception desk understood this idea of "acknowledging effort" when she said to me "Thank you SO much for bringing your towel all the way down here." I smiled and felt good about myself. I had not received a reward for bringing the towel down or been punished for leaving it upstairs, my behavior was simply reinforced by that comment of acknowledgment. Cool.

The last session was lead by Carol Olsby, an amazing woman who has "over 20 years of HR and business experience providing HR leadership, operational, and tactical solutions to her clients." Her session on Social Skills and Servant Leadership, hands down, had the most profound impact on me and was probably to hardest session to listen to. As a leader and manager, my employees are my most important priority. I know from experience that I do better work and work harder when I think that the person I'm working for has a vested interest in my growth. I have always kept my employees and there well-being at the forefront of any decision I've ever made for the company so I initially felt as if Carol was preaching to the choir. However, as the session progressed I realized that my sentiment for my employees was being lost in some of the policies I myself had put into place. What a tough realization. That being said I'm so thankful to have been made aware of this and I have a chance to change it.

Shandel will be sending me the slides from Carol's session in the next couple of weeks and once I have them I will add them here as well as posting them separately so that you can get a better understand of the ideas she discussed.

Beyond the sessions, there were some incredible woman at this event and unfortunately, I think this post is long enough, otherwise I would talk about them as well.

Overall, one of the most important things I learned today about your Emotional Quotient is that you can have an impact on it. You can develop skills to deal with your emotions and those around you. I think this is one of the most encouraging points of the summit and something that I've committed to improving.

So as you can see, I gained a lot more from this conference than I had originally anticipated. Thank you again to Shandel for putting on this incredible event. I really appreciate the insights that you and the other speakers have just given me.

I will leave you all now with a short snippet of the quote Shandel left us with:

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness had genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Good night!

Spontaneously planned: A weekend with the girls

If you lived on a boat (that was docked), with a ridiculously small living space, what would you do all day? The answer is simple. Spend as much time off the boat as possible.

We keep on building bigger and bigger TVs, more comfy furniture and larger refrigerators. We created environments where we would never have to leave for long periods of time if we didn't want to.

No wonder the average waistline is expanding at a rapid rate and we're all sulking in the confines of our lavishly cozy homes contemplating why we're not really "living" our lives.

We are the creators of our own destinies and I'm not suggesting that we all abandon our over-sized sofas entirely. All I'm hinting at is that with a small amount of planning and a bit of on-the-spot decision making, finding things to do outside of the living room is easy.

My girlfriends and I did just that this past weekend.

We decided on Friday that we wanted to do something. So we chose an activity... Riding a ferry. We didn't plan the when, where or why. We just decided on the what.

At noon on Saturday, Kathi, Libby and I hopped into the car and headed down to the Seattle ferry terminal.

Here are just a few pictures from the adventure. Needless to say, we had a fantastic day and even though the pictures are public, the stories will remain between us...

Go to the Woodland Park Zoo. In the Winter.

As a kid growing up in San Diego, the world-famous zoo and wild animal park were two family staples. I remember going often. When I moved up to Seattle, I think it made my parents and I overlook the Woodland Park Zoo. I went to high school in this area, then college and eventually, lived only a couple blocks away, still without ever going.

On those summer weekends up on Phinney Ridge, I would sit at my local coffee shop and watch the overwhelming number of families, local and tourist alike, stream into the area to go to the zoo. What on earth were they thinking? The streets were packed. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like inside. A concentrated area full of young children, long-distances to walk and sometimes extreme heat (for Seattle that is).

That is what I remember.

But for some reason, yesterday I decided to go.

The weather was wonderful. A perfect winter day in Seattle. Sunny but cold. I wrapped myself in multiple layers, grabbed my gloves and ventured off to the zoo.

I cannot begin to describe what an enjoyable day I had.

The zoo was quite. A few bundled up families here and there. They casually walked instead of stampeding through the grounds as I had imagined. There was no rush.

However, the best part wasn’t the scarce crowd but the fact that on the first sunny day in awhile, all the animals were out. And so were their caretakers.

I met Junior. A fifteen year old Jaguar. He was wondering around apparently trying to find all of the treats hidden around his area. He’s either a very charismatic Jaguar or the sun and lack of people made him less shy because he came right up to the glass and looked at us. Observing us the same way we were observing him

Then there was Mr. Morgan, a 13 year old Colobus monkey. He sat on a tree stump right up against the fence. His caretaker was performing a routine feeding where he would ask Mr. Morgan to do certain “tricks” in order to receive food. “Grab your tail.” “Where’s your ear?” “Put your feet up.” Nonchalantly, the monkey did as he was told. The man placed his hand on the monkey’s feet, shoulder, tail and mouth. Someone asked what he was looking for. The man said he wasn’t looking for anything in particular at the moment. These feeding practices were simply a way to train the monkeys so that they could easily be examined without the need to immobilize them.

I waved good-bye and headed for the savanna. On the eastside of the zoo, I met Chai, a 40 year old Asian elephant. She lived with an African elephant in the same enclosure. I can’t remember her name. I learned that Asian elephants are the calmer breed and are the ones used in film. They would even add paper to an Asian elephants ears to make it appear as an African. Chai was hilarious. Asian elephants prefer to search low for food so she had this very silly movement with her trunk where she almost looked like she was vacuuming. It was feeding time for her but her caretaker was distracted answering our questions. In order to get his attention, Chai made a very fun breathing sound through her trunk that resembled blowing air through your lips. He signed a command to and she begrudgingly did a quick 360, winning a handful of carrots once complete.

I remember at this point trying to think back to a time where I had received such a one-on-one experience with an animal and it’s caretaker. It was the best learning experience ever and made me more cognizant of each animal and it’s unique characteristics.

I know there are a lot of negative issues when it comes to zoos but the number of “Endangered” signs plaster over countless exhibits made me think more about the value of a zoo. It’s because of this zoo and many others like it, along with donors, volunteers, caretakers and scientist that certain species of animals still exist. They work with different organizations around the world to protect endangered species as well as educate the public.

I really appreciated this at that moment.

I continued around the zoo. Laughing at a lion sunbathing with his paws crossed the same way my dog Magic does, getting a rare glimpse of a Hippo out of the pool eating hay and even coming face-to-face with a grey wolf.

After a few hours, the sun sitting low in the sky to the southwest, I exited the Woodland Park Zoo. I was very happy that I finally went to this Seattle landmark and glad that I had picked this day to go. I would recommend to every local, who feels similar about overwhelming crowds but is curious, go to the Woodland Park Zoo. In the winter.

Dear social mediaists, we all have something we can share...

I stood in front of 1500 high school students this weekend. I spoke, along side of my coworker, Buckley Shaffer, at the Oregon Association for Student Counsels Leadership Conference on Social Media Common Sense and how student leaders can be role models in the space.

It was exciting and overwhelming at the same time.

These are some of Oregon's brightest teens but beyond intelligence, they're driven. Driven to make their schools and communities better. They care and that's why they ride (for some it's across the entire state) to the little coastal town of Seaside for this leadership conference.

Standing onstage, I felt like a phony. Don't get me wrong, I will do this all day if that's what it takes to get the information out, but I enjoy a dialogue more. Where ideas can development and transformation with the brainpower of those in the room. Which is why I enjoyed hosting our two workshops later that evening so much more than standing on the stage (in the picture above) giving a one way presentation.

The best part about each of our sessions was that we started off with a question, watched the discussion develop, directed it as needed, and watched it turn into something uniquely relevant to the students in the room.

After all they've been living Facebook for their entire high school careers, they know the obstacles at their schools, and have interacted with the players on a daily basis, all they needed, as I found out from these workshops, was a little guidance. They wanted reassurance that they were moving in the right direction, that they had chosen the right platform, the right messaging, the right precautions to ensure that their projects were successful.

I just found it interesting because I see so many people in educational institutions who are afraid of social media, especially at the middle school and high school level. But the kids are already using it. They're trying to find success where others are too afraid to and they have little guidance or even support for that matter.

All I'm thinking to say is for those of us in the social media space, our skills are highly valued at this level. And if you have the time, I encourage you to volunteer to be an adviser or role model for one of these students and help them become social media advocates for their schools and communities.

I know I will be doing more in the very near future.

Also, here is our slide show, if you're interested in seeing what we presented:

Social Media Common Sense on Prezi

What's in a name?

There is one word in social media jargon that really bothers me and that's "voyeur". We use this term often to describe users online who consume others' content but do not generate any of their own.

Frustrated with the negative connotation that I believe unfairly stigmatizes this type of behavior, I decided to go on Twitter today and ask my community, you all, for recommendations on other possible names:

I didn't convey specifically why I was asking the question so I wouldn't skew any answer. The first response I received was from a colleague, who cemented (for me) the fact that when you hear the term "voyeur" your reaction is not warm and fuzzy but more ogling sleazeball:

The next response was even more scathing and really ruffled my brow:

Leech? Are they insinuating that consuming content online is equivalent to bloodsucking?

Timeout.

Let's go back to what I'm trying to rename. Users online who consume others content but don't generate any of their own.

Leech. I hadn't realize people felt so negatively about this type of behavior. Which I kind of feel is a misconception that I'd like to try to disprove quickly with an example.

Example #1:
I want to know more about Leeches. I go to Wikipedia and find their article on Leeches. I click on the link to one of the References listed at the bottom of the article and end up on a site with any kind of users generated content. I read. I smile. Because I now know that the medicinal use of leeches dates as far back as 2,500. Fascinating. And then I repeat this process whenever I desire to gain information about a particular subject and never publish any piece of content myself.

We can take this same example, change the objective - now I want to buy a Ford Explorer - commence said cycle of online exploration and see how the behavior that we are trying to define describes a behavior that is very common these days:


Is this behavior so bad that we'd refer to people who do it as leeches?

I hope you now understand my desire to find a new term. Back to more responses!

• @megrnelson what about "recreational users"? ...though that comes with no shortage of baggage, haha.
• @megrnelson we used to say "lurker" a lot.
• @megrnelson "Consumer" doesn't seem personable enough to me and I try to avoid using it. Reader? Listener? Customer? Participant?

And my personal favorite: @megrnelson Observer, Spectator, Witness, Onlooker or Bystander? From 4-6 creativity is exhausted until the beer kicks in.

Spectator! I liked the sound of that. My initial reaction to that word is in reference to a sporting event. Unlike voyeurism, it's a completely acceptable term and more flexible. For example, you could be a spectator at a soccer game. But then you could move to the fan section, cheering on the people "participating" in the game (speaking of... Can you hear Chivas sing? We can't hear a $%#ing thing! Go Sounders!).
And when I say "cheer", I really mean promote or share other users content. And finally, if you felt so inclined, you could play in the game by publishing your own content.

I know that is cheesier than the Mac & Cheese I had for dinner tonight (it was Kraft Deluxe!) but I really do think there is a need to change out "voyeur" with something more positive and productive, like Spectator.

That's what I've pulled out of the conversation I had with many of you on Twitter so far. I'd love to continue it at anytime, get more of your feedback and find other words that might work. Again, thank you to everyone for taking the time to respond to my post today. It's all very thought provoking.

Last but not least, I'd like to give a little shout out to Andrew for suggesting I turn today's discussion into a blog post. I hope you weren't disappointed! :)

A Year Later...

In honor of Year 2 of Social Creature Media, I've decided to start a new blog. In WordPress. This blog will continue on but will be more focused on the specific adventures of Meg Nelson. Since I needed an outlet were I could practice my WordPress skills AND do a little more daily blogging, I decided to create my blog Ever Wondered About.

To give you a little sneak peak, here is an overview...

Why do we call them “Quarterbacks”? Do spiders excrete anything else besides their web? How does an airbag work? Who developed the cooking process known as "Sous-vide"?

There are many times in a given day that I wonder where something originated, how something works or ask myself a questions about something I’ve encounter. So I decided to create a blog where I could find the answers out myself and publish them for you.

Also, for those of you who didn't see the companies video, here it is one last time:

Why location-based social networks are still worth using

Ask my coworkers, I have always been a fan of location-based social networks. While my use of them has waned over the past couple of months, I still think they have incredible potential. Which is why, when I saw Marshall Kirkpatrick's tweet this evening... "I should write a post simply about why location based social networks are worth using"...I decided to take on the challenge myself.

At the moment, most people I know have become discouraged with location-based social media. A compelling reason for divulging such insights is in all honesty lacking. Mayor? Who cares. Badges? I'm not a Girl Scout anymore. Checkins? I am sick of being that [insert appropriate word here] on the phone the second I walk into a bar or restaurant with his or her friends. And for all of you out there who are thinking about loyalty discounts and rewards, just know this: A free drip coffee for me once a week because I'm the mayor of my local Starbucks means nothing when I drink Chai tea!

This is where my, along with many others, frustration currently sits. The Foursquares, Yelps and now New York Times (wtf?) of the world have, in my opinion, lost sight of the prize. I understand that a startup/media organization needs to figure out a way to be profitable and getting in bed with corporate America is the easiest answer but I feel like that is diluting the real value of this product for the end user.

This is turning people off. Pushing people away. At a point when companies like Foursquare need to push mass adoption. And the only way to do that is by providing a perceivable value.

So here is what the perceivable value of these networks is to me:

In the age of content overload, we talk a great deal about the race to relevancy. For Google, providing relevant information is at the core of it's business model. But my question has always been what if we DON'T know we need to search for that information. It may be highly relevant to us but we just don't know it exists.

Many companies are already onto this but I will use Facebook in this example. They present you with information they think you should know, based on your own usage/interaction with their platform. However, at the moment that information is limited. They can't always account for your actions outside of their world. For example, Facebook knows that I have "liked" volleyball but it doesn't know that I play at an open gym every Tuesday night or that after volleyball, our group goes out and socializes over a beer or two.

Now as marketers and advertisers, our eyes light up and we all think... "Here is a great idea! Local bars and restaurants in the area should really make sure that they are offering happy hour specials or food specials to the group via social networks!" Don't get me wrong this is all good but there has to be value to the end users before this moment.

Back to the open gym...

I lived in the area where my open gym is held for OVER a year before knowing of it's existence. I had to physically go on Google and search for "volleyball open gym" to find a random website that actually had outdated information of the open gym night. Why did I have to do that?

If I had already self-ascribed to being a volleyball player and people who lived around me also "liked" volleyball, then why couldn't my location-based social network tell me that people who like volleyball go to Tuesday night open gym here?

This is the type of relevant information that I would have appreciated because I was living by myself, in a new part of town, after a majority of my friends had left the city. I would find this information far more compelling than a discount or a badge. And this is why I think location-based social networks are still worth using because of their potential to capture and utilize behavioral data for the benefit of their end user.