It’s strange to think that it was only a year ago that I attended Shandel Slaten’s Women’s Leadership Summit (Read my initial reaction here). Reflecting back on the year that has passed since I’m going to attempt to describe the monumental shift that has happened in my life.
A year ago, I was exhausted, emotionally drained and extremely unhealthy. Having co-founded my first company a year and a half prior, my main priority at that moment was my business. We had gone through our share of the usual start-up woos and my partner and I were devoting every bit of our energy to get the company to the next phase. I had let my family, friends, and health slowly slip away from me. I didn’t realize how detrimental those decisions were at the time.
The Summit was a wake up call for me. A lot of things in my life were wrong but I couldn't put my finger on what, why or how to fix things. As I spoke to different women at the event, I realized I wasn’t the only one going through these issues. I wasn’t alone. What’s more, some of the women I spoke with had taken steps to identify what they didn’t like about their life and had changed it.
What Shandel said on stage that day had really resonated with me so I asked if my company would sponsor some coaching sessions with her to see if I could get to the bottom of some of my issues. The first couple of sessions, Shandel listened and asked questions to push me to explore certain topics more deeply. I remember now that all I talked about those first couple of sessions was who or what was holding me back.
On the fourth session, reality struck. I will never forget the feeling. It was terrifying and empowering at the exact same moment. I had finally found the problem and the problem was me. I was pointing my finger at everyone else but not really taking the time to point inward and look at myself. You’ve probably heard this a thousand times before. It’s not you, it’s me. But it’s not until you decide to look at yourself through a very, very honest lens that it really makes a different.
Suddenly, I could breathe again. You can’t control every situation around you but you CAN control how you react to them. Even though my self-esteem was at the lowest it’s been in a while, I was relieved and suddenly able to let go of all of the negative energy I was holding onto.
This was huge for me and allowed Shandel and I to move onto the next step of the process. Rolling up our sleeves and really starting to dig into me. Who I was. What I believed. Most importantly, what I valued.
Values are your foundation. As you solidify your values, you have a whole new way of filtering all of your decisions and to really start defining what you want out of your life. What do I mean by this? My personal values consist of my family, my friends, my health, my growth and helping others grow. Last winter, when my younger brother who had recently moved to Taiwan to study abroad asked me to travel with him somewhere in Asia, the decision was a no brainer. I went to Vietnam with him for two weeks.
After Shandel and I worked on defining my values, I was finally able to look at my life and identify what needed to change. I prioritized calling my family and connecting with my friends. I started make sure to leave work in time to make it to volleyball. I started investing in reading material that wasn’t work related. I eventually decided to leave the company I co-founded in order to explore more growth opportunities.
I still have a lot of work to do. I just finished taking Shandel’s Life 301 course, which has added an entirely new level of defining what success in my life looks like. This is a daunting task for me but just another step that I know will bring clarity to my life.
People in my life have noticed that I smile more. It’s easier to wake up. I have more energy. I’m a better friend. I’m a better listener.
So if you feel exhausted, stressed and without any direction, I’d recommend that you start by attending this summit. Come open minded and see where it takes you.
