My friend from high school recently got married. Within a year or two his wife got pregnant.
He and his wife lost the baby. 26 weeks into the pregnancy. They dealt with their grief in two ways (that I have seen). First, my friend got a tattoo to commemorate his child. Second, and much more shocking to me, the wife blogged about her experiences delivering a stillborn.
Awful. Horrifying. Disturbing. Those were the only words that I had to describe the blog. An account of an event that in my mind should have been personal and private. It made me wonder, was this normal? Should this be online? What was private anymore?
It wasn't until tonight that I got my answer. A close friend of mine, who is currently studying medicine, told me that only 40% of pregnancies result in healthy deliveries. 40%. Even if that number is slightly off (given the place of birth and/or circumstance), the fact is that every healthy birth is a miracle and more woman will have miscarriages than I had originally thought.
This changed my whole entire perception of the blog and how I felt about keeping a situation like that "private". It made me realize that I was more likely to have a miscarriage than popular culture had prepared me to be. Does that make sense? I mean how many TV shows, movies or songs have dealt with miscarriages?
Even though at the time I cringed and cried reading about carrying and delivering a child who's heart no longer beat, I now feel incredibly grateful to the woman who was able to verbalize the event at all. She made me realize how precious pregnancy is and how prevalent miscarriages are. They happen and somehow or another we have to move on and continue living. This was the way she dealt with her pain and I must respect that. Given a similar circumstance, who knows what I would do. I can't even begin to speculate.
Thank you Chelsey for sharing with us. I am so very sorry for your loose and I cannot even begin to imagine the difficulties you are going through at the moment. But I know that there are other women out there who are going through or have gone through similar situations that have found comfort in your accounts of your situation. And as for me, I am just grateful that now I am more aware and able to appreciate the miracle that pregnancy and birth are. So thank you.
If any of you would like to see Chelsey's blog, it is here. Please be warned it is graphic and tragic but that said, I think it is good for us to be reminded of our own and others immortality, as well, as how we, as individuals or as groups, can over come such events and still believe in the beauty that life has to offer us.
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4 comments:
Ok, first of all I'm really sorry for Chelsey.
I was surprised to read the number 40% there. I thought that if this number would be correct, putting this information out there would be the best contraception for young people. So I did a bit of research and I can calm some people down who just made mental notes not to become pregnant! Ever!
A study among Australian women showed that between 18-23 4% had a miscarriage and between 28-33 it was 14.5% (almost linear in between). Study can be found here (full paper only if you have access to ScienceDirect): http://tinyurl.com/kncu85
I know that doesn't help the 14.5%, but I hope nobody is too worried to even try. 4% means 96 happy couples out of 100 and that is worth trying.
Before anybody tells me I was wrong and read the data wrongly, I correct myself:
Between 18-23, 10.5% of women who were pregnant had a miscarriage. 4% of all women in that age group (not only the ones that actually were pregnant). Still 89 happy couples. I stick to my first conclusion. And I'm sorry for the 11!
Thanks Sven! After my original post, I realized that I probably should have used the internet to figure out if my friends data was sound. I am glad I could trust in you to do it for me! :) Lame. I know.
Either way, data or not, the point is that miscarriages happen. Up until now, I had never given them a second thought but I think it is important for me to be aware of the possibility. I also think it is equally as important to be able to talk about it.
It also happens a lot more in the first 8 weeks, which is why couples are usually advised to not make the announcement until after that point. Some statistic I read once said that of women 25 and younger, 2/5 had been pregnant at least once. I totally balked at that, but I think it's also common to be pregnant and not even realize it because it miscarries so early on that they mistake it for their period.
--Annie
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